Category Archives: Personal Challenge

Tags – a Lesson Learned about Banktivity


For years my husband has counted on Banktivity to monitor our spending money and accounts. Finally I convinced him to let me work with it too.

What followed, after the – it won’t sync, you’ll mess it up – among a long list of reasons I should steer clear, was a day of lessons.

The first thing we had to check was syncing – if I made a change, could he see it quickly on his computer – and visa-versa. Answer – absolutely YES. And when it’s fast, it’s very very fast since you are effectively reading and writing to the cloud. But it’s not always fast – and sometimes the things that are slow (like the list of categories showing up) are frustrating. But it does Sync – both immediately upon a change, and again when you close the session.

Once I got a bit of experience under my belt – I quickly starting asking questions about reports and categories and tags. My husband had never used tags – and I decided to experiment. I’m here to report that the Tags in Banktivity are super powerful.

I’m using Banktivity on an ipad – so some of the following won’t work quite as described if you are working on a computer or a phone. Just FYI.

Tags are pre-setup using the Manage Tags option found in Configuration on the Summary Page. It worth spending time thinking about HOW you’ll use the Tags you create before setting them up. And knowing HOW you’ll use the Tags requires understanding how Tags differ from other ways of looking at your transactions.

So – Step 1 – How do Tags differ from other ways of looking at your transactions?

A) Tags run across currency, across bank accounts, across methods of payment (different credit cards). So say you want to quickly know how much a particular trip will cost you in total. Using a Tag and carefully assigning it to every transaction that impacts that trip will work perfectly, no matter what method of payment you use. And it easy to check the totals – and individual impacted transactions. On the Summary screen is a heading entitled Tags. Just click on that to ‘see more’ and you’ll see totals for the current month for all the Tags you’ve created. Click on a specific Tag to show all the associated transactions. Cool.

B) Multiple Tags can be assigned to one Transaction. So you can have #Dining as a Tag, and #Trip to India as a different Tag – and assign BOTH Tags to a transaction with the Payee of a Restaurant in India. Then when you look at the Summary across Tags – you’ll see that single transaction amount included in both Tag Totals.

C) Tags can be ‘renamed’ in the Configuration Routine on the fly, and all transactions that use that Tag will be updated. You can’t delete Tags already in use – but you can rename them and search for them.

Step 2 – What Tags should you create?

A) Think Small – Do you want to know what you’ve spent on Dining this month/year? Make #Dining a Tag. Do you want to know what you’ve spent on a particular activity – like a trip to Paris, or a Weekend with Friends? Make #Paris a Tag, or make #Weekend with Friends July 2024 a Tag. Tags can be rather long – and it doesn’t matter because you just tap to assign them to a Transaction.

B) Think Big – Do you want to be able to see the total you’ve earned over several different activities – say renting 2 condos, or selling Coasters and selling Painting, or buying Clothes and buying Furniture for a specific home? Since Tags accumulate the money spent or earned across all the other types of transaction divisions – just create them and assign them – Use the Tag option on the Summary page to see how the totals compare. Just remember that you can assign multiple Tags to one transaction – and the money spent/earned will be accounted for again and again.

Step 3 – How easy is it to add/remove Tags?

A) Very Easy is the quick answer

B) To add a Tag – go to a transaction, even one that has been verified – Edit the transaction, pick a Line and click on the Message/Tag blank. Click on a Tag to add it to the line. Click on a Tag already associated with a line to remove it. Close the Transaction – Job done.

Step 4 – Can you use Tags in your history?

A) I haven’t really explored reports yet to see how Tags are handled – and since it’s thru Reports that you can do historical analysis – the quick answer here is – I’m not sure. Perhaps you can comment if you have more information.

I hope this quick and easy description sounds worth trying – I love being able to quickly see how much a particular activity (biking) is costing me – or to evaluate how much a trip has cost so far (Paris July 2024).

Signing off the add some more Tags… The Soup Lady.

Watching the Tide Roll In


I’m currently on the island of St. Croix in the USVI – watching as the title suggests – the tide roll in.

I mean – someone has to do it – right?

Lately I’ve been thinking about my parents – who reached a stage in their lives where watching the tide roll in and roll out seemed like a reasonable thing to do. I never thought I’d get there – but I’m guessing that 75 is about right.

It’s not that I’m not busy! I decided to be an artist – and that’s a serious challenge if you’ve ever tried to paint or draw or create something new. I’ve always felt that I was best at moving ideas from one place to another. Of saying – well that idea worked well for learning to play bridge – let’s try it to learn to do something else. That’s not really being creative though you know. That’s just moving ideas around.

Being creative – coming up with something new – that’s a whole lot harder – and I do love a challenge.

So Being an Artist…

I have a very dear friend – Thea – who is what I’d call the ultimate artist. She sees things I can’t see – applies them to places I can only see the barest outlines of – and I’ve always thought she did it effortlessly.

Image my surprise when she admitted to me that it wasn’t effortless. Wow – I never knew that.

On a similar note – my sister has also decided to paint. She’s doing watercolours – to my acrylic efforts – and the results are dramatically different – and quite stunning. To my eye – effortless. But apparently that’s not true either.

I suppose it’s reasonable to recognize that we all see our internal efforts differently from how they appear to the outside world. Unless I hear your grunt and groan – It’s natural to imagine that for you – that was easy to do.

Well – I can tell you that for me – the only thing I find easy to do is smile. Writing my blog, painting pictures, even doing Yoga isn’t easy. It’s hard. I have to mentally say – ok – I’m going to do this. And sometimes it takes several encouraging internal monologues to get me started.

Anyway – right now – I’m watching the tide roll in….

Have a totally wonderful day! Signing off – the Soup Lady

Crazy Month – July 2023


In the planning – the summer of 2023 started out boring!

We had a blank slate – no plans, nothing doing. So we decided it might be a really good idea to spend a month in Niagara on the Lake. That’s a small town near Niagara Falls – known for it’s summer Shaw Festival, and lots of period correct (for us) re-enactments at Fort George.

So It made a lot of sense – we’d get a change to see what it would be like to live in Ontario – and we could check out that part of Ontario. Win-Win. And my sister and my brother-in-law would gleefully join us for a Shaw Festival/Stratford Play-a-ton!

And our friend Sonia could join us. This would be awesome.

Then we thought – gee – maybe it would be great to spend some time on the beach in Wells. And then a friend asked me to join him at the Chicago Bridge National. So I said Yes and Yes.

Then my grand-daughter and aspiring Actress/Singer Sophie decided she would love to go to the 2 week long Stratford Shakespeare Camp. And – Grannie and Grandpa – how about I join you in Maine…

Great stuff Sophie – always take advantage of any time older grand-kids are willing to spend time – and at 16 going on 17 – how many more summers will she want to spend with us? It’s the countdown that all Grannies face.

So our boring summer turned into anything but boring! We’d start in late June on the Beach in Wells with Sophie, then Victor and Sophie would drive to Cape Vincent for a Napoleonic Re-enactment while I hang out in Maine, Then the Sophie Shuffle. Her partners would drive to Cape Vincent and pick up Sophie, and Victor would drive back to Maine.

When our Maine holiday ended – Victor would drop me off in Boston at Logan to fly to Chicago for the Bridge tourney – and drive back to Montreal. Then on the next day, Victor would fly to Chicago – eat dinner with our buddy Todd – then fly home. I’d play bridge for the week, then fly to Toronto to meet Victor on our way to Stratford to pick up Sophie and drive back to Montreal.

Whew – you tired yet? I am just thinking about all this planning. And we haven’t even gotten to Niagara Yet.

Then we layer on a layer – a weekend re-enactment/Theatre experience in Montreal – some time to chat with friends – then the trip back to Ontario and Niagara;

Well – we’ve now done part 1. And it was – well interesting. Very weather dependant.

Maine had a lousy first two weeks. Rainy and Cold until it wasn’t. And we were 3 adults camping out in a hotel room. Great view of the beach- but it was raining so hard you couldn’t do any outdoor activities. Sheesh

So we ate. And ate. Fisherman’s Catch, Wells Lobster Pound (more than once), and even the Steakhouse. Good meals I tell you!

Meanwhile we have our first sunny day in Maine – and Sophie tries to get a tan – and since she missed the first 3 days due to rain – does the 16 year old trick of just spending the day toasting – and somehow not applying sun tan lotion.

Result – burned to a crisp. But completely evenly! It actually looked like she’d painted on a white bikini. A perfect burn everywhere!

I smear her with Aloe, dose her with Motrin (looked it up on Dr. Google – highly recommended) and pack her off to her summer camp in Stratford.

Two lovely days on my own in Maine – mostly spending painting – my newest passion. I’ll have you know that I’m up to painting #4! Take that stinky art teacher when I was 15 who told my mother to stop wasting money giving me painting lessons!

Victor returns from a very successful parade in Cape Vincent – and we make plans to meet up with friends from STX who have a ‘camp’’ in Maine. They join us for lunch one day (3 hrs over fried fish – what’s wrong with that) and then a full day at their camp.

In between I have art class – and I know it’s just flattery – but one of the other students (all of whom have reams of more experience than I) comments that she can’t believe this is just my 4th painting – it’s stunning.

I admit it – I like it too. I’m going to get it framed. Maybe hang it in STX….?

The camp is lovely – truly lovely. 2 bedrooms, nice kitchen/living space – and a quick walk to the ‘beach’ where they keep their Boston Whaler. They feed us lunch (yum) and take us to see the ‘rustic camp’ they are selling. It is truly rustic. No – seriously – rustic. Outhouse and everything. Cute camp area with lots of other homes – some rustic, some rebuilt – very cool. Then we go back to their ‘camp’ and spend several hours just burning gas and circling their lake and chatting about this that and the other. Kisses – and see you guys in STX – and we head for dinner.

Ok = it has been said that Eiser’s plan dinner while eating lunch – and unfortunately – it’s mostly true. The next meal is very important to us. And this one is going to be at one of our most favorite restaurants – The White Barn.

Yes – it’s a multi-course tasting menu – Yes Victor gets the Wine Pairing – and Yes – it’s delicious! My 3 favorite courses are a Tomato Tartar, a Shortbread sandwich filled with truffles, and a Wagu Beef in a completely yummy sauce. Got to give it to the White Barn – they don’t have a Michelin Star – but that’s Michelin’s problem!

Now we pack and leave Wells Beach. Originally our thought was that Victor would drive me to Logan – but it turns out that there’s a bus that goes from Portsmouth, NH direct to Logan – for $27. So instead of taking Victor miles and miles out of his way – he drops me off at the bus depot and I take a surprisingly nice bus ride into Boston.

Naturally – the plane is delayed. I’m grinding to suspect that an on-time plane doesn’t happen – but eventually I get to Chicago – navigate my way to the Bridge Tournament – and play bridge. Earn Master Points – Yeah me.

Then I fly to Toronto – relatively on time I’ll have you know – get to Stratford, Cheer like crazy for my grand-daughter – and then head back to Montreal.

Whew – That’s some July – right?

Wondering how August turns out? Me too! Stay tuned.

The Souplady signing off.

Still Skiing hard at 75


It’s December 14, 2023 – and I’m in Utah – hanging out with my friends Kit and Mike for 8 weeks (hoping that they are still talking to me… but I digress).

Today was my First Day Skiing in 12 months – and I had a fabulous day sking – loved it! We just did 1/2 a day – but it was so beautiful. Great weather, decent grooming – and I love my skis!

I had two old pairs of skis last year. My Rossignols and a pair of Sun Brights (aka ice skates). The Rossies were dead and done at the end of the year (Feb 2023). I couldn’t use them any more. (Over 10 years old, so yeah – I had killed them.) So I donated them – figured I’d do some tests this year and pick a new pair.

My Sun Brights were put away here in Utah for this winter.

But – when I went to get them – the closet had a new lock – and I didn’t have the key. Mike suggested looking in my unit 2013 – and lo and behold – there was a new locked ‘owners’ closet. Last spring I knew I was on thin ice using the closet I was assigned many years ago – they found a plan that laid out which ‘closets’ matched which units – and I was using two – neither of which were mine.

So We moved most of our stuff into the closet that was ours – but the skis didn’t fit. I chatted with the manager about putting the skis in this tiny closet in the unit – but then we went home.

I’m guessing that while I was home – they moved the skis into the small closet inside the unit.

Anyway – I’ve asked the manager to get a locksmith (I don’t have the key to the new locked closet) and to get the locksmith to install a keypad lock. Then I won’t have to worry about a key.

Meanwhile – no skis.

So I went to the little shop in the Stillwater to rent skis for today. And the guy says – I have some skis for sale. I think they might work for you. And he takes us into a back-room where there are dozens and dozens of pairs of skis of various ages – basically pre-used demo skis.

He tells us that this weekend, all these skis are going back to their other shop – but he thinks this one pair might work for me.

And I promise you – the skis winked at me! They said – you will love us – try us – please! It was like a dog at a pet shop – I promise you. Not another pair in that huge space called my name – just this one pair.

They are purple Santa Anna’s 98. Perfect for Low Expert or Advanced Intermediate, 98 cm wide under foot, tapered from a broad front to the waist, then wide again. And just $400 including the bindings (which alone are like $200). I rented the skis to try today, then did my research. Reviews were great, and the descriptions were perfect for me. Like if I’d been searching and found them!

So we skied today. First day on the slope – usually I stick to easy runs. These skis were so solid, so easy to ski – that I actually skied faster than Mike! He says I skied better today than I did at the end of last season.

Skis and I had a chat. They stayed in the Ski check – and I went to the shop to pay for them – I got a full credit for my rental of course.

I’m very very happy!

100 Best Cities in the World – The count down begins now!


Part 1 – Cities #100-75

I saw this list and of course I started checking them off. Been there, want to go there, not on your life would I go there.

Which given that no one has been able to travel for MONTHS – seems on the face of it an insane activity. But I suppose a traveler remains a traveler at heart. It’s just been a time off kind of year I suppose.

I’m breaking the list down into 4 parts – partly to keep you interested… Marketer at heart that I am – and partly to keep the length of each blog reasonable. Too long is just begging to be boring!

Blogs should be like mini-skirts. Short enough to grab your attention, Long enough to cover the interesting parts!

I am also of course reminded of the line from “Changes in Latitudes, , Changes in Attitudes” that Jimmy Buffet sings – “Reading departure signs in some big airport Reminds me of the places I’ve been. Visions of good times that brought so much pleasure, Makes me want to go back again”

100. Cracow – never been. Probably never going to go either. Oh well – nothing like starting on a high note, right? This actually was on a plan maybe about 5 years ago – but the price of just getting there was daunting. But see – if I’d done it – I’d have done it!

99. Raleigh – I’ve been there. I don’t remember a ton about it though – we might have just driven thru – but it’s a lovely town. So now I’m 1 for 2

98. Salt Lake City – Been there LOTS! Seriously – I know this city. It’s on the way to Park City – where my husband and I have been going skiing regularly since 2002 (yes – that’s when they had the Olympics). It’s not a place I’d live – Salt Lake City that is – but it’s got a lot to recommend it as a tourist high point. And best – it’s a starting point for the truly outstanding National Parks Tour in Utah. Now that should definitely be on your must do list.

97. Mexico City – Now that’s a place I’d love to go. I’ve been to Mexico – but managed to miss Mexico City. Some day…

96. Glasgow – How did this dirty smelly kinda down in the dumps – sorry I went there – city make the top 100 list. Miracle or they paid off someone. Anyway – been there. Not going back any time soon. Never being soon enough actually.

95. Sacramento – I always think I’ve been here – but it might have been passing thru. We did do the drive down the West Coast – and I can’t think we’d have skipped it. But honestly – that was 49 years ago. So I honestly can’t say I remember it. So – 2.5 out of the top 5…

94. Manchester – This was one of my favourite stops on our UK trip s couple of years back. Great Museums. Fabulous train station. Well worth a few nights!

93. Düsseldorf – hummm – can’t remember for sure. I did a ‘Germany’ tour when I was 20 – and I’d bet that Düsseldorf was on it – but if it was – I don’t remember anything noteworthy. I’ll give it a – haven’t been. Probably never going.

92. Nashville – This is on my to do list! I lived in Atlanta for years and years – and never made it to Nashville because my parent’s had no interest. I came close when I went to play bridge at Gatlinburg – fried food capital of the world – they even fry Oreo cookies – but didn’t visit Nashville. Missed out on Dollywood too.

91. Bucharest – Been There. I was young – it was still Communist – I loved it because it was cheap and I could eat like a Queen and pay under $1. Don’t count on doing that today folks. So… 5 out of the bottom 10 on the been there list. 2 on the want to go list.

90. Minsk – sigh. I’d love to go – never been. Not looking good either. Oh well.

89. Perth – Missed that entire Continent! Same for New Zealand. On my to do list… when Covid is over and we can travel again…

88. Hanover – Been there. Part of my Germany Tour. Industrial. Ok. Nothing much to add. Sorry.

87. Kiev – remember how Cracow was on a plan… well Kiev was on the same plan. Trip got canceled due to insane cost.

86. Kuwait-City – Another entire part of the world I’ve never seen. And not on my to do list either.

85. New Orleans – Now we’re on familiar ground! I spent a week here visiting my daughter who was living there for 2 years. Plus we had a fab weekend there when my husband was being interviewed for a position at their new Marriott hotel. We even did the Mardi-Gras Bead tossing silliness! It was a hoot. Good food too. Fried Oysters were the best. And don’t get me started on the Red Fish Grill’s Double Chocolate Bread Pudding. Stuff of dreams….

84. Cologne – Another city that I visited multiple times. This is the home of one of the world’s largest (it might well be the largest – but I’m hedging my bets) Food Fairs. It’s incredible. A floor of Chocolate. 2 Floors of beer stalls. The most amazing raisins I’ve eaten at the Morocco pavilion. Insanely large, your feet are guaranteed to hurt – and that’s just day 1. It takes at least 3 days to see everything – and even longer if you actually want to try the food. I first tried Illy Coffee here – mind blowing. One year we did a taste tour of the competitors to Prosciutto Ham. Another year we focused in on Tomato’s. The fare is called Anuga – and when this madness ends – I highly recommend it if you think you are a foodie. It will set you to rights. Great Cathedral, adorable restaurants, and charming evening walks. Just do all this BEFORE the fair opens. You won’t have the energy to enjoy it afterwards.

83. Auckland – see Perth. Sigh

82. Baltimore – Check that guy off! I lived in Washington, D.C. for 3 years – and it’s not called ‘Balt-wash’ for nothing. Lots to see, lots to do – and super cool. Baltimore – definitely better than #82.

81. Rio-de-Janeiro – on the to do list. Not now of course. Someday.

So – out of the bottom 20 – I’ve been to 9. Not doing that well actually. But lots more to come.

80. Stuttgart – Been There! It’s lovely. Walled city is old fashioned and super quaint – and the new part is – well – new. I was young – on a bike – and stayed in a youth hostel. It was a different time, different kind of travel. You used books to decide where to visit – or relied on other folks reporting back on what they’d done that day. Man – has the internet changed the way I at least travel…

79. Athens – Been There! Went back. Twice. I love Athens actually. It’s not the cleanest city in the world, but folks there are actually really really nice. I sat on my glasses when I visited with my travel buddy – The Intrepid Traveller – and really flattened them. We were staying in a cheap hotel with an amazing view of the Parthenon – we actually shared both the bathroom and the shower with everyone on our floor. The guy running the hotel was super nice though and had a friend who was an eye glass guy! We walked to his office – and he fixed my glasses. For free. Since we didn’t have 2 nickels to rub together – we were thrilled.

78. Muscat. Nope.

77. Marseille – Yup – check that one off. Got to love the French Rivera. Such a lovely place. Too bad I can’t afford it anymore.

76. Edmonton – Yup – that’s another been there. Highlight of a trip to Banff and the Canadian Rockies that we took with our kids 35 years ago. Why the highlight? The Mall blew them away. They have more submarines in that Mall than the Canadian Navy. (Not that hard to do – we actually only had 3 at the time. And I think we might still only have 3). We had heard that the Pierogi’s were amazing – so we went on a Pierogi hunt. Good luck with that. They are made at home – so you need to know someone. We didn’t. Oh well. But the Mall was a hoot and a half.

75. Adelaide – oh dear – ending on a down note. See Perth.

Ok – Out of the bottom 25 cities – I’ve been to 13. So over 50% That’s not bad. I’m not cheating by looking ahead – so you’ll have to stay tuned.

How did you do against the Montreal Madame?

Signing off – The Soup Lady

Day 238 – Commandment #9 for Seniors


Growing old should have taken longer.

Question here – how ever did it go so fast. Where does the time leak away to anyway. How did the years go by so fast..

Particularly since 2020 has seemed endless.

The problem really is – how do you treasure the time when you are young? Answer – you don’t – and my telling you – as Oscar Wilde and George Bernard Shaw said – slow down and smell the roses – won’t work. Never has worked actually.

Shakespeare knew that when he penned: Youth is hot and bold, age is weak and cold; Youth is wild, and age is tame. Age, I do abhor thee; youth, I do adore thee; O, my love, my love is young!

I don’t feel weak or cold – well actually – I do feel cold often – but I don’t think it’s just my age – I’ve been cold for YEARS! Which explains my heavy socks and warm fuzzy jackets. I didn’t just start making that collection 2 years ago you know! I will admit that I only bought my electric Ski gloves 2 years ago – but that’s because it took me that long to decide they were worth the money. (Side note here – They definitely are worth it!)

As for weak – that’s what weight training is all about – combating the effect of too much couch potato action these days. I work out at least twice a week – and I’m proud of my ability to use 5 lb dumbbells, not just the 3 lb ones. (Ok – I hear you laughing – but truly it was a huge step up!)

But this isn’t about how fast time goes by – and how after 72 years – I still don’t understand how so many of those years are a blur.

I think slowing time is about picking out highlights – and low lights. Any teacher in the world will tell you – the students we remember for years are at the top and the bottom. So it’s highs and lows you recall. And I think this year might actually end up being memorable – as a low of course!

But unlike other truly solid memories – where I was when Kennedy was shot, when Diana died, my wedding to my husband of 50 + years (and counting), the births of my three kids, key moments in the lives of my kids (which are often clearer to me that key moments in my own life) – there are years that frankly flew by almost un-noticed.

It’s too late to reclaim those years – but folks – think about it. Make memories, take pictures, start today!

Signing off to give my daughter a hug – The Soup Lady

Day 233 – Commandment #5 for Seniors


The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don’t need to write that down. I’ll remember it.”

Isn’t that the truth. I don’t write it down there is NO CHANCE I’m remembering it – and there’s a good chance I’ll have forgotten it – what ever it is – by the time I put down my pen.

I was never great at remembering. I’ve been using lists of ‘To Do’s’ since I was a babe in arms… ok – maybe more since I was in high school. But we’re talking at least 60 years of list making. If I had a dollar for every list…

It’s not really about the lists to be clear. It’s about the writing down for me.

When I go to class – I spend most of the class taking copious notes. Not that I’m going to refer back to those notes in most cases – for me it’s the act of writing down that used to put things firmly into my memory bank.

And that’s what has really changed as I’ve aged. We don’t write things down as often as we did before. We take notes on the computer, we record important dates on our cell phone – and even our watches are in on this acts of keeping us away from good old fashioned pens and paper.

Speaking of pens… an aside here. I always took exams in pen – not in pencil. I know – absolutely cocky of me. But true. I didn’t like the ‘correctability’ of writing with a pencil – it implied that I wasn’t confident of my first answer. And generally – I was absolutely sure I was absolutely right the first time.

I might not have BEEN right you realize – I was just sure that I was.

The problem was, I was right often enough to encourage me to continue with that cocky behavior – often to my regret.

I think one that that playing bridge has taught me – in hard and no uncertain terms – that making snap judgements isn’t always the best way to go. It can be the right thing of course, but sometimes taking just a bit more time to consider other options pays better rewards.

And aren’t better rewards what we all want?

In any case – I’m sitting here with a note pad, a scrap pad, a note book, an ipad, a computer, a cell phone and an Apple Watch – all trying hard to make sure I don’t miss appointments, I don’t forget what day it is – I can recall the time – and at the end of the day – most of what I’ve promised to do has gotten done.

Yeah Me!

Signing off to jot down yet another note (or 2 or 3..) – The Soup Lady

Day 166 – How do you celebrate 50 years of marriage?


Just to set matters straight.. We were married on Friday, September 11th, 1970.

Yes – I know – September 11. Not our fault. That date became infamous way after we were married – not fair really – a group of terrorists stole my anniversary date and made people think of something other than us..

For many years – because we were married on a Friday – Victor thought our anniversary was on September 13 (Friday the 13th) – but no… it’s Friday September 11, 1970. For sure.

6 months later, we went back to Atlanta to visit my parents – and Victor tried to return me. My dad told him – nope – warranty is up.

And on Friday, September 11, 2020 – it was 50 years…

Which is almost impossible for me to truly believe.

I was 21 when we got married. Hopelessly young and innocent and foolish and so much in love. I’m still in love you know – I adore my husband – ponytail and all.

I’m kinda hoping I’m no longer foolish and innocent – but I keep thinking that I’m still young..

Doomed to disappointment I’m afraid to say.

So just how does one celebrate 50 years of doing anything.. It’s a really long time. Way more than 1/2 my life. And here’s what really scary – longer than 80% (according to the US Census) of folks alive today have been alive!

Martin, the charming manager of Boneparte’s here in Montreal – where we celebrated our anniversary with an absolutely lovely dinner party for just 6 – annouced that he was born – BORN – the year we were married.

Our celebration – as most of our celebrations these days – was broken down into parts.. We celebrated in March in St. Croix – right as the COVID lock-down was happening with just our kids.. First time in over 20 years that it’s been just the 5 of us. It was really great – but the conversation centered around the COVID cases and how the world was going to react. We now know the answer – not great. But at the time.. we were a bit optimistic. Wrong – but positive.

Then we celebrated by traveling to send a lovely long Labor Day weekend in Barrie with our friends and Lucy and Lacy – the horses. It was a blast… a long drive each way – but worth it.

Then we had a wonderful dinner party at Boneparte’s – filled with laughter and gift giving and my kids and their kids.. Only Grover didn’t come, but the feeling was that perhaps the party would go on past his bed time. So we shared videos of him. He stayed home and went to bed on time. Probably better all around.

We got caught up on the lives of our two charming grand-daughters – who look more and more beautiful every time I see them. Their lives – like the lives of all kids from 13 to 21 these days are complicated by the truth of COVID. The youngest one is caught in a ‘bubble’ at school that doesn’t include her closest friends, and the older one is trying to have a relationship with a guy, be a young adult, start her working career – and dealing with idiots who refuse to wear masks, to social distance, to admit they are COVID positive, and thus put her life in danger.

I just don’t understand why people are so sure that their right to do what they want trumps the right of other people to feel safe. Why would any one who knows they are COVID positive not alert their friends. What is there to gain by not saying something. It confuses me.

As usual – I have digressed…

Back on track – Saturday afternoon we had a Zoom conversation with all the family – my daughter and grand-daughter in London (hubby was sick with a cold in bed – not Covid), my son and daughter-in-law in California, and my kids here in Montreal.

The we finished off with an equally splendid dinner party – period correct this time – which means we were dressed in our 1812 finest… Silver service, candles lit, music softly playing, amusing conversation, and No IT! Unfortunately for our hosts – their maid and butler had taken the day off (they always do when we come over… ) so while the service was excellent – it was our friends doing the service!

The meal celebrated our trips together. First course was a salmon tartar (yummy) with ground cherries. They are one of my favorite ‘fruits’ – which my friends only discovered when we were together in Quebec City. The 2nd course was a lobster Bisque with shrimp – we’d gone out to Boneparte’s – in period clothing – and three of the four of us ordered the Lobster Bisque… The 3rd course was Rabbit with Olives – in honor of our time together in Malta. The cheese course was again in memory of the Quebec City trip – we had cheese every evening before dinner in the ‘lounge’ area of our room in the BnB in Quebec City. And the desert course was a magnificent Charlotte Russe with a fruit topping. This was in honor of our times together at the Regimental Dinner parties in Vaudreuil.

The dessert was amazing. The dinner outstanding. The wines were well chosen to compliment the different dishes, and the conversation was delightful. We dragged ourselves out close to midnight – feeling very well feted indeed.

So this is how we have celebrated 50 years of being together.. And today is just another day – we’re headed off to buy fruit at Costco and the Marche near by – and having dinner together…

Life marches on… It’s 50 years and 2 days – if it lasts…

The Soup Lady

Day 156 – Our 50th Wedding Anniversary is upon us!


I got married on Friday, September 11, 1970. For years my husband remembered it as September 13.. because it was a Friday.

And for the record – we are still married. Which in and of itself feels like a record. So of course – I googled it!

We are still playing it ‘safe at home’ – so what else is there to do…

Turns out that – yup – it’s something of a record. Only 7% of American’s celebrate 50 years of marriage.

But upon further digging, it turns out that while I’m among a distinguished few that make it this far – it’s not really the record one might think. It isn’t really about being married… it’s about not dying.

According to a wonderful piece in a blog site called ‘Family Inequality’ the truth of the matter is more that neither of us died!

If you discount the folks that died, and the folks who are widowed – then you are left with the folks that got married married before 1971. And of those folks – who have the potential to celebrate 50+ years of marriage – fully 50% of us are still married.

So what does this mean. It means that folks that got married before 1971 thought we were getting married forever. We didn’t think of divorce as an option, it never even crossed our minds – or at least 50% of our minds… I guess the other 50% that didn’t die, did get divorced.

Bottom line – I’ve gotten to this milestone thru lucky genes (I didn’t die), lucky genes on my husband’s side (he didn’t die), and then I guess – because we never considered being anything other than married.

One other important factor – not to embarrass my kids or my readers – we still find each other very appealing physically. We also share a lot of history, but have our own unique interests and hobbies. We can let each other go on trips without being jealous (too jealous anyway), and rest comfortable in the knowledge that they will return. We give each other space… and a place to be separate inside our home. We forgive each other when we must – if not immediately, then eventually – and almost always before bedtime. We try hard to find the positive stuff – to not get bored when stories get repeated, but to enjoy them re-told and often mis-told. We are still in love.

I’m still happy every morning when I wake up and say ‘Good Morning Honey’.

My daughter-in-law just reminded me that when they got married – I told her that marriage is a 60-60 relationship – you must always feel that you are giving the bigger portion. If both of you feel that way – the marriage will work.

How are we celebrating this milestone? Are we having a big party or taking a fancy holiday? Well in the days of COVID-19 – the quick answer is – of course not.

We’re lucky in that we’re in Montreal, and the better restaurants are open under COVID-19 restrictions and taking it very very seriously. So we’re going out to dinner with the kids who live here in the city. It won’t be a fancy party – but it will be our style. Comfortable and happy.

Signing off to figure out what dress to wear (not really) … The Soup Lady

Day 23 – Is this cabin fever I’m feeling?


I love it when experts come out with something that completely agrees with how I’m feeling – so I read this note in the Gazette (on line of course) and went – Right – I have Cabin Fever too!

As per the Gazette – “cabin fever” is not an actual psychological term. But all that irritability, sleepiness, restlessness, lack of motivation or focus we’re feeling is certainly valid, according to some experts.

“There’s a cluster of symptoms that we see when people are forced to being cooped up for extraordinarily long periods of time,” said registered psychologist Janine Hubbard.

We are creatures of habit, so it’s no surprise that some people are feeling restless, which can manifest in dangerous ways, including risky public behaviour, she added. People who are experiencing a lack of control and stimulation “need to activate some of those endorphins,” she explained, as a way to shake off the lack of energy or motivation.

The feelings of cabin fever are compounded by one key question about around self-isolation: when will it end?

In Canada in general, and Quebec in particularly – things aren’t looking rosy. The newest estimates are at least another month – perhaps 2. I have a friend who has decided that she isn’t going to listen to the negative news stuff – but I’m more of the – if it’s going to be that long – let’s get organized – mentality.

So – here are tips to help cope: (as cut and pasted from an article by Alexander Mae Jones, a writer for CTV News):

WHAT DO I DO IF I HAVE CABIN FEVER?

The good news is that there are a number of things that a person can do to fight the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

Establish a routine

You don’t have to get up at 6:00 a.m. every day, but keeping yourself on a loose routine of some type — getting out of bed at a similar time, having regular mealtimes, attempting to keep to a shower schedule — will help to keep your spirits up as the weeks go on.

“Having regular ‘work time,’ whether that’s you working, whether that’s your kids doing some schoolwork, whether that’s you tackling a project, (or) building some exercise time (is important),” Hubbard said.

Change your clothes

When you get out of bed, put on something that you didn’t sleep in.

“Get dressed,” Hubbard suggested. “Even if it’s just into (more) comfy clothing.”

Putting on a full suit for a work from home shift might be energizing for some, but don’t worry, it’s not completely necessary — the important thing is just the act of getting dressed at all. Wearing pants in a pandemic is an achievement.

Try to see the sun

If at all possible, getting some time outside can have a huge impact on your mental health.

“It’s amazing how much that exposure to sunlight is going to help with some of your endorphins and your serotonin levels, which are all going to make you feel a whole lot better,” Hubbard said.

If going for a walk makes you feel more anxious because of worries about maintaining physical distancing, just standing on a balcony, in your backyard, or on your front steps for a few minutes could improve your mood.

Be social…

Checking in with others through technology or phone calls is important. We all need social support, and just hearing a human voice can remind us that the world outside of our home still exists.

“If you’re used to having a coffee with a coworker each morning … set up some virtual Zoom meetings or FaceTime where you’re going to have your little cup of coffee together and just be connected,” Hubbard said.

…but take breaks from social media and the news

Staying informed on developments within your country and across the world is important, but refreshing Twitter all day and overloading on horrifying headlines can leave you feeling overwhelmed.

Hubbard recommended limiting your news intake to “once or twice a day (from) a reputable news source where you know you’re getting accurate, up-to-date information.”

And when you talk to family and friends over FaceTime or the phone, “try to keep your conversations about things other than COVID. Talk to them about the silly things you’ve been reading or watching on TV.”

This doesn’t mean you should not talk to loved ones about your stresses and how you’re holding up during this crisis.

But if conversations turn into two people repeating every upsetting news article they’ve read in the past two weeks, it could just leave participants feeling worse afterwards, instead of feeling connected.

Try to engage in “active distraction,” not just Netflix

Having downtime where you don’t have to think is important, and watching TV or movies can be great for that.

“But try to include some active distraction,” Hubbard said. “So something that distracts you and relaxes you, but also engages your brain.” 

This could be pulling out a board game if you are quarantining with multiple people, or “doing a puzzle or pulling out an old craft project.

“Something where you’re feeling both relaxed and productive,” Hubbard explained. This can help to take away some of the helplessness people can experience in this time.

Don’t compare your quarantine to others

“It’s really important to remember that this experience looks different for everyone,” Hubbard said. “So yes, while you may have some people who are able to use this as a time for … around the house projects or doing some cleaning … or developing a new skill, there are some people who are just trying to get out of bed every morning and get their kids fed and clothed and trying not to crumble.”

For some, their largest immediate worry right now is boredom and how to fill the days in order to stave off anxiety. But others may have family members or loved ones battling COVID-19, or may be still working on the frontlines, or may have lost their jobs and be preoccupied with financial concerns.

These people “don’t have time for self-development projects,” Hubbard said.

Others may be battling mental health issues strong enough that seeing people post on Instagram about how many new languages they’re learning may not be inspiring, but instead feel like social pressure to be doing better than a person is currently capable of.

If all you can do one day is get out of bed, put on sweatpants and reheat Kraft dinner, that’s still an accomplishment, Hubbard said.

“If that’s what you manage to accomplish, that’s fantastic. Tomorrow might look a little bit different. We’re all going to have our strong days and we’re all going to have our days where we’re not feeling so on top of it.”

Shower!

This one is from me personally. My friends and family are reporting that there is a lack of – well – showers happening. So make being clean part of your ‘cooped’ up routine.

Having already changed my clothes, bathed, and created a daily routine – I’m signing off to go for a walk!

The Soup Lady